Razzamatazz - British comedy


HIGH CLASS

I noticed a sign over a shop whilst I was out shopping today, High Class Butchers. Over the years I have seen many such signs, you used to see them all the time, but on seeing it this time it dawned on me that I have yet to come across a sign that said Low Class Butchers.
     I have been in quite a few low class butchers in my time but the sign over their shop fronts always said High Class Butchers. Even the one that only sold offal, black puddings and savoury ducks. If I'd have thought of it at the time I'd have asked the butcher what exactly defined a high class black pudding and how it differed from a low class black pudding, but this was some time ago when I wasn't quite so contrary and such thoughts never entered my head. These days I can't stop them entering my head and soon I got to wondering what might constitute a low class butchers. Maybe the window display would consist of a single decrepit-looking piece of scrag end with a couple of bluebottles copulating on it, whilst inside the only meat for sale would be tripe, in both senses of the word.
     Of course not only do you get butchers shops conferring the title High Class upon themselves. Thus you get High Class Bakers, High Class Greengrocers, High Class Gents Outfitters, etcetera. You even still get a few High Class Drapers and High Class Milliners up and down the country. But no Low Class anything. Not one. Everything is High Class. If it were only people of high class who were allowed to patronise these shops people of low class would have to go hungry and walk about naked. I for one am grateful that this is not the case - the idea of a naked John Prescott is too gross a notion to even contemplate, even though his having to go hungry might slim him down a bit.
     Even though you still see many High Class Butchers and High Class Bakers up and down the country you don't see as many High Class Gents Outfitters as you used to. There are still gents outfitters to be found of course but nowadays they call themselves things like Top Shop. But just as it is that you get High Class Butchers but not Low Cost Butchers you get Top Shops but no Bottom Shops. And a good job too if you ask me because if you did have Bottom Shops you'd no doubt have homos queuing round the block to get in. Now that really would be low class.