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GOLDEN OLDIES Not so many years ago all you had to look forward to once you’d reached retirement age was the Grim Reaper beckoning a crooked finger at you and inviting you to lie down in that little wooden bungalow with no windows. Not so these days. Now there are all manner of goodies to look forward to for the 65 pluses. Stairlifts for one. Not for me yet I hasten to add, I can still take the stairs in my stride, although I must admit to having an eye on a lovely-looking Thora Hird de-luxe in homespun grey, as recommended by Alan Bennett, for when my legs finally give up the ghost. (Thora Hird was the Kristin Scott Thomas of her day so I am expecting just as good a ride from a Thora Hird De-Luxe as I could expect from the divine Miss Scott Thomas)      A few years ago there were only a couple of stairlifts, Stannah and one whose name I can’t recall. Today there are upwards of a dozen to choose from. Things were never better for the chronically crippled. Then there are special baths. There are two types currently available to the advanced wrinkly; walk-in baths; or sit in baths in which a hoist lowers you into the bath water. When the time comes when I can no longer manage to climb into a normal bath unaided I’ll probably go for the walk-in type, particularly if I’m already using my Thora Hird de-luxe stairlift, as after riding up on a stairlift I might fancy the walk that having a walk-in bath necessarily entails. Much better than to have to sit down again and be lowered into the bath, an experience which I imagine to be quite similar to going down on the stairlift, but drier.      The last but by no means least piece of apparatus we oldies can look forward to in our dotage is an electric scooter. Again there are several to choose from. One that took my eye is the Car Boot Scooter which is available in both 4 mph and 8 mph versions. I imagine the name Car Boot Scooter means that you can keep it in the boot of your car and take it out when you hit the pedestrianised precincts, rather than ride round the boot of your car in it, as 8mph is a bit nippy for that, although you might just get away with doing it in the 4 mph version. It has occurred to me that if they already have 4 and 8 mph versions a 16 mph version can’t be far away, progress being what it is, or maybe even a 32. Personally I’m hanging back until I’m aged 80 on this one, by which time the manufacturers will have probably introduced a 100 mph Gran Tourismo 3 litre TDI version. Roll on another 12 years.