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CONTENTS Duck Marbles Teenage Affairs Buying Petrol Goose! Happy Birthday Battered Haddock Sportswriter Of The Year Throwing The Walking Frame Cassie Blind Men Age Concern A Burglary Panache Mastermind Happy New Year Fat Women Poles Apart Gay? Take Three Aborigines Alzheimer’s Club Charity Shop Shoppers Desert Island Dicks Christmas Carols The Case For The Arsenal Defence Lord Of The Rings Sex Baby On Board Ball Park Price An Outing To York BATS Optimum Happiness Bells Best Before Countdown Idiotproof The Bishop Of Chester Mr Wu Black Footballers' Wives A Blonde Moment An Ambition Fulfilled Blue Blood The Art Of Conversation Poles Apart Farting Junk Mail How To Complain Pottering In The Garden Flogiteers Chapterhouse Jogging David Blaine Cooking Food For Thought Coronation Street Golden Oldies Free CDs Essential Viewing Gardener's World Cosmetics The Woman From Glossop Hi Cost God's Own Sport Hot Food Inflatables Jehovas Witnesses Knickers A Licence To Kill Joan Collins SAT NAV Lifeswap Pink Make Me Happy Plain English Men's Complaints Long To Rain Over Us Life's A Lottery My Funny Valentine What's In A Name Long Live The Queen? Leg Of Lamb Shit Garden Of The Year The Nation's Favourite Neighbourhood Watch Overfilling The Kitchen Bin New Job Things To Do While You're Waiting To Pee Shithouse No Turning Nuclear Free Sid's Removals The Others Horseshit Ten things I Will Never Understand High Class Pig Sick From Another Planet Plumbing The Depths Sex Shop BBC Presenters The Queen At Breakfast The Real Greece Police Procedure The Terrible Repercussions Of War Scouse Sleeping Policemen World Championship Snooker The Sonic Yard Protector How To Stop A Dog Chasing Cats Swimming Lessons The Winter Olympics Talking To The TV My Breasts And I Wouldn't It Be Great If....? A Timely Warning Winter Wonderland Tree Surgeons VacuVin The Weakest LInk Wimbledon Your Ball Driving Me Mad Army Discipline Canal Turn