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A BLONDE MOMENT I read the most marvellous expression in yesterday’s newspaper. A woman had accidentally driven her Land Rover Freelander into a lake as she tried to park. (So I also read about a quite predictable occurrence as well as reading about a marvellous expression). “I don’t know what happened,” the woman was reported as saying. “One minute I was parking the car and the next I was in the water. I just had a blonde moment.” I just had a blonde moment! It says everything doesn’t it. You could have given the finest brains in the country a week and asked them to describe what had happened to make the woman act the way she had but they wouldn’t have been able to come up with anything more succinct than ‘a blonde moment’ I’m sure. It got me thinking as to what other ‘moments’ to describe odd behaviour. Here’s a few I came up with.      A Ginger moment. When you picture Geri Helliwell in your mind’s eye and masturbate. (I would think this happens extremely rarely, and anyway she’d probably let you shag her if you asked)      A Green moment. When you sneeze and snot runs down your face before you can get a tissue out.      A Yellow and Red moment. When you’re sick and you’ve recently eaten carrots.      A Harold Shipman moment. When your wife has just told you her seventy-year-old mother is coming to stay with you for a month.      A Bus Driver moment. When you suddenly lose all consideration for other road users.      A Fat moment. When you suddenly simply have to have a meat pie.      A Fat Bastard moment. When you have a Fat moment and you’re a footballer.      A Stevie Wonder moment. When you start at point A and you have to pass a Charity Worker with a collecting box on your way to point B.      A Liverpool moment. When you are suddenly consumed with self pity and think the whole world is against you.      A Welsh moment. When you suddenly think you can sing and insist on proving to all and sundry that you can’t.      A Big Brother moment. When you just have to watch television regardless of what crap is on at the moment.      An Arsene Wenger moment. When you suddenly lose the ability to see one of your players commit a foul.      A John Prescott moment. When you suddenly lose complete control of the use of the English language.