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THE BEACH. CISSIE AND ADA ARE RELAXING IN DECKCHAIRS, SHOES OFF, DRESSES TUCKED IN THEIR KNICKERS. CISSIE IS RUBBING IN SUN OIL. CISSIE: A good idea of yours this, Ada, a week at the seaside away from our menfolk. It'll be a nice break for us, I mean we've only been here a couple of hours and already I'm in the mood to let myself go. ADA Yes I think I shall have to loosen my corsets, too. CISSIE: (NOTICES SOMETHING NEARBY) Oh look Ada, there's the donkeys see. ADA Hey, shall we have a go on one, Cissie? CISSIE: No we shall not have a go on one! Perish the thought. I remember tha last time you went on a donkey, at Blackpool. You rode it right into the sea! ADA Well I took a sudden fancy to a paddle. CISSIE: On a donkey? ADA Well I thought it would be all right with it being called Nelson. CISSIE: Well it wasn't all right was it, when the tide came in and trapped you on that sandbank. I could have died when you took your knickers and started waving them about. ADA Well I wanted to attract somebody's attention. CISSIE: Well you certainly did that. Especially when the breeze got up. ADA What? You don't mean....? God love us Cissie, you couldn't see my.....could you? CISSIE: Well of course you could you fool, why do you think all those men were cheering? ADA Fancy. (SMILES) Men cheering at me. (SHE GETS UP) CISSIE: Where are you going? ADA For another donkey ride. CISSIE: Oh no you are not lady, sit down! ADA Well perhaps I better hadn't, because I'm trying to forget all about Bert and donkey's always remind me of him. CISSIE: They remind you of Bert? ADA When he's going to work. CISSIE: Oh, you mean the slow reluctant plod with the head hanging down. ADA No I mean he walks for fifty yards then turns back. CISSIE: Incidentally, how will he manage on his own, your Bert? I mean he can't cook can he. ADA He could burn water. So I've left him a big pan of ash with two big tins of Fray Bentos corned beef in it. He'll eat that. Well he will once he realises there's nothing else for him. And if he doesn't like it he can lump it. Or eat some of the vegetables he's growing in the back garden. CISSIE: Oh I didn't realise Bert had started growing vegetables? ADA Oh yes, he's grown some lovely tomatoes. CISSIE: Does he have growbags? ADA Only since he's had his hernia. Well you need something roomy when you're wearing a truss. CISSIE: Well there's one thing for certain, my Leonard will be well catered for while he's on his own. ADA Oh? CISSIE: No matter what his gastronomic desires we have it in the freezer. ADA Well whatever turns you on, but don't the baskets leave marks on your bottom? CISSIE: Ada you really are coarse. You've got a mind like a cess-pool, you really have. ADA Well I can't help it if you're narrow-minded. CISSIE: Me? Narrow-minded? ADA Well you are. You always have been, you've put up with chicken drumsticks for years because you don't like asking for breast. You've always been the same, ever since.....(SHE SEES SOMETHING IN THE DISTANCE)...ooooh! CISSIE: What's the matter? ADA (POINTS) That girl there! Naked as the day she was born. Look at her prancing about, the young hussy! CISSIE: Now who's being narrow-minded. ADA Well there's a time and a place for everything. CISSIE: But this is the time and the place Ada, they allow nude sunbathing on this beach, didn't you know? ADA Never! CISSIE: Oh yes, they're quite permissive here now. Two years ago you had to wear a bikini at the very least, Last year you could go topless. And this year you're allowed to be totally naked. ADA GETS UP AND STARTS PACKING UP. CISSIE: What are you doing? ADA I'm clearing off before they make it compulsory.