If it's a Monday I usually spend all day trying to avoid lions. Well to be truthful no matter what day it is I spend all day trying to avoid lions. In fact lions, avoiding of, plays a very big part in the life of your average wildebeest. You wouldn't think that was the case, as there are thousands upon thousands of wildebeest in Africa compared to relatively few lions, but I assure you that it is. In fact there are so few lions nowadays that in some areas of the veld lions are an endangered species. They're not as endangered a species as wildebeest though, especially wildebeest who happen to live in an area where lions aren't an endangered species. Anyway that enough about lions. I won't mention them again. Let me tell you a little about myself. There are two types of wildebeest, of which I am the brindled type, Connochaetes Taurinus. I have a black tail, and brown stripes on my neck and shoulders. And down my back legs too if I've just seen a lion. Sorry, I said I wouldn't mention lions again, didn't I. Sorry. The first thing I do when I get up in the morning is eat some grass. Then I have a shit. Then I eat some more grass. Then I have another shit. Being a wildebeest I spend a large part of my life eating grass. And shitting. Especially if there are lions about. In fact if there are lions about I spend more time shitting than I do eating grass. I'm talking about lions again, aren't I! Sorry. But then it is quite difficult not to talk about lions if you're a wildebeest because they are a large part of your life and do tend to occupy your thoughts more than somewhat. For example, take eating grass. Now you would think if you were eating grass you would be concentrating on the grass, wouldn't you - it's texture and flavour and how chewy or otherwise it was, things like that. But you aren't. You're concentrating on your arse, and how some lion might creep up and bury its claws into it while you've got your head down eating grass. Same with shitting. I mean you would think your mind would be on that while you were doing it, wouldn't you. Well in truth it is sometimes. It all depends on whether you're shitting because it's time you had a shit or you're shitting because you've just seen a lion. Because if it's the latter you are definitely not thinking about shitting, you are thinking one hundred per cent about getting your arse out of there, and as quickly as possible. But that is definitely all I am going to say about lions. I won't mention them again, you have my word. Right, I'll continue. After I've eaten grass a few times and had a shit a few times, me and the rest of the wildebeest in my herd move on a bit to a place where the grass hasn't been eaten or shit in. Not an easy task I can tell you, because if the grass hasn't been shit in by wildebeest it's probably been shit in by other animals. Especially gazelles, because gazelles do nothing but eat grass and shit all day too, and in fact come a pretty close second to the wildebeest as the lion's favourite food. There I go again, talking about lions. Damn! I tell you what. I am not going to mention lions again for the remainder of this discourse. Nor am I going to mention eating grass. Nor shitting. Since I wrote that last bit I've been sat here for an hour trying to think of something that happens during my life to which doesn't involve lions, eating grass or shitting, and I've come to the sad conclusion that there isn't anything. To tell you the truth I'm getting a bit fed up with it. Anyway I won't have to put up with it for much longer because me and the rest of the wildebeest herd are off in search of new pastureland next week. Apparently its something we do every so often. It will be my first time so there's going to be lots of new things to see that I've never come across before, like rivers and crocodiles, whatever they are, so I'm really looking forward to it.