Once upon a time, in the year two thousand and five, King Charles - for his mother Queen Elizabeth the Second had by then stepped down to allow Charles to become King - well this is a fairy story - King Charles was having breakfast one morning with Queen Camilla. Over their organic boiled eggs they talked about the imminent arrival of their offspring, and whether the British public would accept it provided it wore a bag over its head. They also discussed what King Charles should wear for his forthcoming parade through the streets of Moss Side, Manchester - apart, that is, from a crash helmet and a riot shield. They decided that the King should have new clothes, and that the new clothes would be a freebie provided by arranging a competition between the best two tailors in the land, each of whom would make Charles a new suit. Naturally there was a great incentive to be the winning of the winning suit, as Charles promised to tell everybody that it had been made by the other tailor. The suits were duly made and presented to the King. The one made by the first tailor was drab, old-fashioned and ill-fitting. Charles loved it, as it was just like all his other suits. But unfortunately the blue serge clashed with his green wellington boots and ratting cap. He then opened the box containing the second suit, and was about to remark that the box was empty when the second tailor said: 'Isn't that a truly magnificent suit, Your Majesty, just feel the quality.' But the tailor was playing a trick on the King, as he then went on to tell him that the suit was in fact invisible to fools and therefore they wouldn't be able to see it. Not wishing to appear a fool Charles went and stood beside Prince Andrew, who is such a yoyo that he made even Charles appear to be almost intelligent. But not wishing to appear even that much of a fool Charles said: 'What a truly magnificent suit, I will wear it for the parade.' Came the day of the parade and King Charles put on his new suit and paraded through the streets of Moss Side. Now of course everyone in the crowd could see that Charles was as naked as the day he was born, but because he was the King they shouted things like: 'Look at the stupid tosser' and ' Hey man, look at de King, he really lost it dis time.' Which is exactly what Charles wanted. Because as a result of what happened that day Ex-Queen Elizabeth had him certified and put Prince William on the throne, leaving Charles free to do what he really wanted to do with his life - which was to talk to plants, insult architects from a position of privilege, generally stick his nose in where it wasn't wanted, and design and build the Princess Diana National Lavatories. And they all lived happily ever after.