HOW THINGS BEGAN - FIRE FOUR CAVEMEN ARE SEATED ON THE GROUND ROUND A FIRE. OG: Guess what lads, I've invented fire. (INDICATES THE FIRE) That's it there, see. MOG: Good thinking, Og. That means some of your other inventions might work now . BOG: Like your fireplace and your firewood. TOG: And your fire brigade. It'll give all those firemen down at the fire station something to do instead if sitting around all day playing cards. OG: That's why I invented it, Tog. MOG: So this fire, Og, what exactly do you do with it? OG: I don't know yet. BOG: I know what you don't do with it. You don't use it as lavatory paper. OG: Bog tried it out for me. BOG: It was hot. TOG: Maybe fire could be handy for warming things up then? OG: What does warming mean? TOG: Well things can be warmed up, can't they. MOG: Yes, and you can have warm feelings. TOG: Or your cockles can be warmed. BOG: Again. OG: What do you mean? BOG: Well I've already had mine warmed when I tested fire as lavatory paper, didn't I. TOG: Hey Bog, I think you've just invented the double entendre. OG: He can't have, because nobody's invented French yet. MOG: No, nobody's invented French yet.. That's why we still have Dutch polish, the Welsh Foreign Legion, Irish knickers and German letters. BOG: My wife bought some of them Irish knickers, they're hopeless, they' ve got no holes for the legs to go through. TOG: Those German letters aren't up to much either. I don't think they'll ever catch on. MOG: The latest ones do, they've put thorns round the rubber rim. OG: Look this is all very interesting but it isn't getting me any nearer to finding out a use for fire, is it. I mean if we're not careful fire is going to be another 'the wheel', because I haven't been able to find a use for the wheel yet, have I. TOG: If you ask me you're going to have to write that one off, Og. I mean you're in direct competition with 'the square' there, aren't you. BOG: Yes, the square, which was invented by Cog, the world famous squarewright. MOG: The man who gave us the Potter's square, the Spinning square, and squarechairs. BOG: Oh they're marvellous, those squarechairs. Mine's been a big help to me, what with me having no legs. It's a bit of a bind going up steep hills in them but they're brilliant when you don't want to go anywhere, when you just want to park up like. TOG: Hey, I think I've had an idea! OG: Yes, Tog? TOG: Well…..maybe we could join your two inventions together to make one invention? OG: Join fire and the wheel together? TOG: Yes. You could call it 'The feel'. MOG: No he couldn't, 'The feel' has already been invented by Flog's Massage Parlour. OG: Right. I suppose I could give it a try though. I'll put the wheel on the fire and see what happens. OG THROWS A WHEEL ON THE FIRE.IT QUICKLY STARTS TO BURN. BOG: It's burning! A SPARK FROM THE FIRE SETS OG'S GRASS HUT ALIGHT AND IT QUICKLY GOES UP IN FLAMES. TOG: Looks like you've invented setting fire to property, Og. BOG: Yes, and I think I've got a name for Og's invention. Inspired by me trying fire out ass lavatory paper. OG: What's that then? BOG: Arson.