Buy a new DEWPEW Kitchen and we will give you
a FREE OVEN! FREE HOB UNIT! FREE DISHWASHER! FREE
EXTRACTOR FAN! FREE REFRIGERATOR! FREE £1000 HOLIDAY FOR
TWO! In addition to this SENSATIONAL OFFER there will be NOTHING TO PAY FOR A
FULL TWO YEARS, and if you order your new DEWPEW Kitchen before April 23 next
we will reduce the price by an incredible 75%! How can we at DEWPEW
Kitchens offer you such a FABULOUS deal? SIMPLE. Our kitchen units are grossly
overpriced. You could buy the same quality units elsewhere for a FRACTION OF
THE PRICE! Why are our kitchens so grossly overpriced? Because we have to
build into the price the cost of all the FREE APPLIANCES we will be
giving you with your new kitchen, plus the cost of all our EXPENSIVE
ADVERTISING in GLOSSY MAGAZINES and COLOUR SUPPLEMENTS. Why not dispense with
the FREE APPLIANCES and GLOSSY ADVERTISING and sell the kitchen units at
a fair price? Because it is a proven fact that most people still believe that
they can get SOMETHING FOR NOTHING! This statement is AMAZING BUT
TRUE! Our research shows that the vast majority of people are gullible, and
will respond positively to adverts like this. YOU are one of those
people. We at DEWPEW Kitchens can say that with the greatest confidence,
because if you weren't gullible you would have stopped reading this
advertisement long ago. In fact if you are still reading it, despite
DEWPEW Kitchens admitting that their kitchen units are grossly
overpriced, and making it abundantly clear to you that you won't be getting
SOMETHING FOR NOTHING, you are more than gullible, you are a stupid
twat! So don't delay, phone FREEphone 0900-444-888 and one of our
trained consultants will be round at your house to bullshit you something awful
and con you into buying a new DEWPEW Kitchen before you can say FREE
WASHING MACHINE!…because that is what you will be getting along with all
the FREE APPLIANCES, plus FREE TOASTER! FREE KETTLE!!
FREE COFFEEMAKER!!! FREE PARKING!!!! FREE EXCLAMATION
MARKS!!!!! FREE GEORGE TIGHTS!!!!!! (The free George Tights is a beautiful 6
inch high ivory figurine of this much misunderstood man which will look lovely
on one of the shelves of your new DEWPEW Kitchen) So DON'T DELAY, fill
in the coupon NOW!
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