Hello everyone, welcome, my name is Michelle Tracey, and I am your Cheap Med Holidays Representative. Now I don't know all your names yet but I do recognise a few of you from the airport bus, where I couldn't help noticing some of you studying your Spanish phrase books in readiness for your holiday on the Costa Del Sol. A pity you ended up in Turkey, isn't it. But that is of course one of the small disadvantages you can sometimes get when booking one of our special economy bargain micro budget holidays. However there are advantages too, one of them being that you can end up here at Maradasi Beach, which is one of the more unspoilt parts of Turkey, and I am quite sure that you will all have no end of fun finding your way through the lush vegetation with your Cheap Med Holidays complimentary machete to the nearest village, just a short thirty two milks away. As the crow flies. Or as the crow would fly if the vultures hadn't seen them all off. Now the older ones amongst you might find that the sea being a further eighteen miles away on the other side of an active volcano a little bit inconvenient at first, but you'll all come to love it here at Maradasi beach I'm sure, handy as it is for the one supermarket and the Turkish Army Nuclear RocketTesting Grounds. Which is a Cheap Med Holidays first, incidentally. Now if you do decide to venture into the village - it's called Inkumem by the way - it means 'snake infested' - although personally I haven't seen more than a couple of hundred snakes all the time I've been here - if you do manage to chop your way into Inkumem, you will find that the villagers who live there are very friendly indeed, and on seeing you will always greet you with a big smile and an invitation to smell their goat's groin. This is a very old custom apparently and if you decline to smell their goat's groin you will offend them deeply. I find that a bit of lavender poked up each nostril prior to venturing into the village can help. The imposing stone building with the machine-gun turrets at each corner, just down the road from the hotel, is in fact Turkey's largest prison. But you have my word of honour that it won't affect your holiday one little bit, once you've got used to the screams. Now actually you are all very fortunate indeed to have been sent to this particular hotel, because the Hotel Superior Majestic Excelsior is one of the few hotels in this part of the country to boast a swimming pool. And those people coming here next year will be even more fortunate because by then water will have been laid on to the hotel and they'll be able to fill it. The Barbecue Night, in the pool, is the highlight of your stay here at wonderful Maradasi beach, and not to be missed. Excursions. Well we have just the one trip leaving Maradasi Beach in our prospectus this year, but it is a trip that I personally couldn't recommend more highly - the Circular Tour of One Hundred Mosques! I bet you can't wait, can you! I couldn't, but then I'm a bit of a Mosque nut, and some of you might feel that getting up at 4 a.m. and returning at three-o-clock the following morning is a little bit more than you feel like taking on, but it is the only opportunity you will get to ride up the sixteen thousand feet Mount Dangerous on a camel to sample the local delicacy of stuffed vulture intestines - which isn't quite as nice as it sounds, I must be honest Well that's just about it, and I hope that you all have as lovely a time here as I will be having on my holiday in The Bahamas. Bye.