The Travel Agent looked up from the new Go Greek brochure he had been checking out.
"Yes sir, what can I do for you?
"I'd like to book a holiday", said the Customer.
"Of course sir", said the Travel Agent. "When were you thinking of going?"
"The first two weeks in August."
The Travel Agent took a sharp intake of breath.
"What's the matter?" said the Customer.
"Well it is up to you of course, sir, it is your money, but France in August? I mean that's the month all the French take their holidays, you'd never get on the beach."
The Customer looked thoughtful. "Hmm, yes, I hadn't thought of that. I'll go somewhere else then. Actually I've always fancied Spain."
The Travel Agent took a sharp intake of breath.
"You wouldn't advise Spain, either?" said the Customer.
"Mosquitoes sir. Mossies as big as aeroplanes. You'd get bitten to death."
"Yes, I'd heard mosquitoes could be a problem in Spain, now you come to mention it."
He quickly made up his mind. "That settles it then, I'll go to Italy."
The Travel Agent took a sharp intake of breath.
"What's wrong with Italy?" asked the Customer.
"Nothing if you don't mind spending your entire holiday sat on the lavatory. I'll never forget that holiday I had in Naples. 'See Naples and die'? See Naples and diarrhoea more like."
The Customer pulled a face."Hmm. How about Bulgaria?"
The Travel Agent took a sharp intake of breath.
"No?"
"Just the opposite to Italy. Constipation. When I went there I was bunged up for the entire two weeks.
"Yes well I can do without that," said the Customer. Then he looked thoughtful. "I suppose I could try Greece?"
"Well I tried everything", said the Travel Agent, "syrups of figs, senna pods, a tyre lever….."
"No, for a holiday, Greece the country!," the Customer interjected.
"Oh. Sorry."
"What is it like, Greece?"
The Travel Agent took a sharp intake of breath.
"You wouldn't recommend Greece either?"
" Far too hot in August, sir."
"Austria?"
The Travel Agent took a sharp intake of breath.
"Very well then I'll go to…."
The Travel Agent took a sharp intake of breath.
"I haven't said anything yet!" said the Customer, getting a little annoyed.
"No but you were going to say Portugal, weren't you.
"No."
"Oh."
"I was going to say The Canaries."
The Travel Agent took a sharp intake of breath.
"Is there anywhere at all you would recommend?" The Customer was getting a little impatient by now.
"Well there's Turkey."
"You've been to Turkey?"
"Oh yes sir."
"What is it like?"
"Magnificent. Simply magnificent, no other word for it. A beautiful, beautiful country. Breathtaking scenery, picturesque countryside, azure seas, friendly people, cheap food, good wine, marvellous exchange rate, lovely weather, yes it's just about as near to perfection you can get. I'll tell you something shall I? if I had to pick one country in the whole world in which to spend a holiday it would be Turkey."
The Customer was impressed. "You sound really keen on it."
"And with good reason, sir. Turkey is quite, quite fantastic."
"Right then, I'll go to Turkey," said the Customer, much happier now.
"A wise choice sir" beamed the Travel Agent. "And whereabouts in Turkey would you like to go to?"
"Bodrum."
The Travel Agent took a sharp intake of breath. The Customer choked him, then went to another Travel Agents and booked a holiday in the Lake District.