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Pop music? A load of shite. I mean even I could be a pop singer nowadays and I'm tone deaf.
But it don't matter now if you can't sing because nobody else can sing either. I mean
most of 'em don't even
try to sing, they just talk. Rap they call it.
Crap I call it. I mean I can do that, I can talk, I've been able to talk since I was
two and even when I was two I talked a lot more bleedin' sense than what you get
off some of these rappers.
I mean have you heard 'em? Christ I could do that, I could do one of them talking songs they do,
right off the top of my head.
I'll proove it. Here goes. 'Give me your gun, Slip me yo' shooting stick, So they won't dare
call me a prick, If I've got that stick,
And I stick it in they face,
I mean that ain't no disgrace, I'm just looking after number one, And having me some fun, But
I
need the protection, Of a weapon of mass destruction, So I can live my life, I don't need
no knife, So once I've got my piece, You'd better get on yo' knees, Motherfucker...' See,
nothing
to it. All right I suppose that 'piece' doesn't rhyme with 'knees' but that's nothing, I once
heard a rapper rhyme 'the two of us' with 'clitoris'. Then you get these pop stars who try
to
sing and can't sing. I mean take them two wankers
who won that Pop Idols thing, that Gareth and Will, Gareth Gates and Will Bendover,
well one of 'em
won and the other one lost but it didn't seem to make any difference, we still got landed
with both
of 'em. I mean if them two can sing I'll show my arse in the High Street. Not while
Will's around though!
What was that song they sang? Evergreen. Ever shite more like. I mean that Gareth opens
his mouth and this
tiny little voice comes out. Our cat farts louder than that, and more musically.
I mean he was the one who recorded Unchained Melody, cheeky little get.
It's a wonder Jimmy Young didn't turn in his grave.
Yes I know he isn't dead yet, but he's as good as, I mean his hair and his teeth gave up
the ghost
years ago and if he ever hears Gareth singing the Unchained Melody the rest of him
will soon follow because the poor sod will have
a heart attack or my name isn't Brian Broadside.
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