Top Flight

     Fidler, not a man blessed with an abundance of patience in the first place, was fast running out of what little of it he had started off with. He turned to Elwes and held a hand out. "Lend me a ball."
     "I've only got Top Flight fours," said Elwes.
     At this Fidler lost his rag completely. "For fuck's sake!"
     Standing no more than ten yards away from them Mr Captain could scarcely believe his ears. Fidler had used the forbidden 'F' word. In front of him. Not only used it, but shouted it, flagrantly, for all to hear. And on Captain's Day of all days. His Captain’s Day. Immediate action was called for. Mr Captain was quick in taking it. "Mr Fidler!" he protested, in the sternest voice he could muster, given the shock his system had just had to contend with.
     "Sorry. Sorry Mr Captain, it just slipped out," apologised Fidler, “Won’t happen again,” then, cocking a thumb at Dawson and Elwes, "It's these two clowns; they know I always play Top Flight fours. You'd probably have said the same thing yourself in my shoes."
     Mr Captain bridled at this gross insinuation. "I most certainly would not have said the same in your shoes. Not for the life of me. You will be required to present yourself at the next meeting of the General Committee. Next Monday I believe."
     "What?"
     "You heard me the first time."
     Not trusting himself to say another word in case he made matters any worse than they already were Fidler stood fuming for a moment or so then turned on his heel and stalked off the course in the direction of the clubhouse. "I'm going for some balls," he snapped to his playing partners, over his shoulder.
     Dawson and Elwes, by now both grinning from ear to ear, watched him go. Mr Captain, noticing their amusement, now set about them. "Are you two deliberately trying to spoil my day?”
     "Spoil your day, Mr Captain?" said Elwes, all innocence.
     “I am not going to have my day spoiled by the likes of you or by anyone else."
     Dawson affected surprise. “Why would we want to spoil your day, Mr Captain?”
     “Because Fidler claimed you knew he always plays Top Flight fours," Mr Captain said, "And knowing you two as I do I have no doubt that you did."
     Dawson now gave up all pretence of innocence and said, "It's only a bit of fun, Mr Captain. It’s only a laugh."
     "A laugh?" said Mr Captain. "A laugh? It is Captain's Day. There's nothing to laugh about."