Golf Equipment

     Not quite awesome perhaps, but certainly impressive. In fact Tobin had committed to memory the golfing equipment preferences of the entire membership. No mean feat, but not such a big deal so far as Tobin was concerned as he was one of those fortunate people who had been blessed with a photographic memory. This was of no great advantage to him for most things as he hardly ever exposed himself to anything worth remembering, the pages of the Daily Sport and the output of Channel Five rarely coming up with anything that involved little else but bums and tits, but insofar as being an aid to remembering precisely which member preferred what in the way of golf equipment it was obviously a huge advantage. That people who play golf, despite it being a sport that requires no special clothing, save for spiked shoes, find it necessary to kit themselves out in outlandish and expensive finery only served to make Tobin’s job even easier.
     Now in his fifteenth year as a golf pro, the last four of them at Sunnymere, Tobin had left the amateur ranks of the game for the professional at the age of twenty. Like the majority of young men turning pro he had had high hopes of a career as a tournament professional, maybe even the European Tour if he worked hard at his game, but also like the majority he had eventually fallen by the wayside. In Tobin’s considered opinion it was because of his brains and his feet.
     Shortly after turning professional, and with time on his hands after missing yet another tournament cut, he had come across an ancient golf instruction manual whilst in a second hand bookshop which he had been advised by a fellow professional was an excellent source of porn. The tips in the book were in the main similar to those given to budding golfers in most golf instruction books, ‘keep your eye on the ball’, ‘keep you head still’, ‘take the club head back low and slow’ etc, along with a few that Tobin hadn’t come across before. Some of these seemed a bit dubious to him, especially the advice on the correct stance to be taken up when attempting to hit a ball that has come to rest on top of a bunker, and which if followed, Tobin felt, could only result in the golfer not only missing the ball completely but possibly sustaining a strangulated hernia in the process. His perusal of the book was not entirely wasted however as he did unearth one fact that turned out to be a veritable gem of wisdom; that if you wanted to be a successful golfer it was advisable to have big feet and no brains.
     Unfortunately for Tobin he had small feet and a few brains. But the few brains he did have soon made him realise that the big feet/no brains theory, the basis of which was the contention that big feet gave the golfer a sound platform for his swing, whilst having no brains meant that he couldn't think too much about it, was an entirely sound one. Indeed, when investigating the manual's claim by analysing the results of all the golf tournaments he had so far played in that year he found it to be remarkably true. The golfers at the top of the leader board at the conclusion of the tournament were invariably people who were generously endowed in the feet department whilst being singularly lacking in grey matter. He soon discovered that he could pick out from amongst the field which of the starters would be the front runners of a tournament, almost always including the winner amongst his selections, just by looking at their feet and engaging them in conversation for a few minutes. Putting this information to good use he had then proceeded to make quite a bit of money betting on the outcome of the tournaments he took part in, certainly far more money than he ever made playing in them.