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| January 29 2002 Tuesday Went to see the Psychiatrist again. I'm just seeing Psychiatrist Two now, he's 'taken over my case.' When psychiatrists get hold of something they're worse than a dog with a bone, because today was Purple Turd Day, and then some. This is how it went - Psychiatrist: 'Tell me about the purple turds, Adrian.' Me: 'What do you want to know about them?' Psychiatrist: 'Anything you feel like telling me.' Me: 'I don't really feel like telling you anything.' Psychiatrist: 'Why do you think that is?' Me: 'Well to tell you the truth I find it a bit embarrassing.' Psychiatrist: 'Ah. That is very important. Tell me more about this embarrassment.' Me: 'Well it just embarrasses me, that's all.' Psychiatrist: 'What else can you tell me about the purple turds?' Me: 'Well they're purple. And they're turds.' Psychiatrist:'Anything else?' Me: 'Some are purpler than others.' Psychiatrist:'Anything else?' Me: 'Possibly. But first there's something I'd like to tell you. You see before I came here today I raped next door's cat and strangled my maternal grandparents.' Psychiatrist: 'About the purple turds, Adrian?' I'm not going again, he's dafter than I am. Brain Damage is going to be a mule! He says that all you have to do is swallow a condom full of cocaine in the West indies the fly back to England and crap it out. He said you only have to do one trip a year to make a very good living. The only thing he is worried about is not being able to swallow the condom as he has enough trouble trying to swallow an aspirin. I told him that the thing to do is lubricate it with vaseline and it will slip down easy. He says he's going to dave a dummy run. |
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