January 11 2002
Friday
Wet the bed again. Had chips and double cheese baconburger with a fried egg on top for my tea again. I
told my mother that I'd already told her I don't want chips and double cheese baconburger with a fried egg on top for my tea again
but she said that it was Friday and I always had chips and double cheese baconburger with a fried egg on top for my tea on Friday.
I told her that I didn't want chips and double cheese baconburger with a fried egg on top for my tea again whether
it was Friday, Monday, or Pancake bleeding Tuesday, all right?
Me, Stinking and Brain Damage were watching Atomic Kitten on MTV today.
What should have been heaven for me was worse than hell. Every time they
turned their bottoms to the cameras all I could see
was three turds singing! Brain Damage said that as Atomic Kitten already
sounded
like
three turds singing it
oughtn't to make a great deal of difference, but I told him that
what they sound like has
got nothing to do with it.
I placed another advert in the freebie newspaper and my mother
is getting calls again. However it has dawned on me
that even if she agreed to meet one of the callers he may very well
kick her into touch the moment he sees her,
because to be honest my mother is not the most attractive-looking woman
in the world. Don't get me wrong, you certainly wouldn't knock her out
of the way
to get at Dawn French, but I've seen photos
of her when she was younger and she was quite pretty, but since
then she's really let herself go. I can't say that I blame her, if I were her
I'd have let myself go
too, I mean the more attractive she makes herself the more my father
is likely to want to get his
leg over with her and that can't be a very inviting prospect to say the least. Anyway
I've
decided that a make-over wouldn't do her chances any harm, so I've written
off
to 'This Morning with Richard and Judy' to see if they'll take her on. I just hope they
respond quickly
enough, because if they take as long to answer my letter as Tony Blair
did she'll be needing the
services of an embalmer, not a beautician.
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